I’m jealous

I’m jealous. Is that’s bad to say? Ok, well it’s true. I’m jealous.

I’m jealous that when you said you were “trying” for a baby it meant 2 months of trying before it happened for you.

I’m jealous that you can plan when to get pregnant based on the month you want a baby and counting backwards by 9 months.

I’m jealous that you never had to track your cycle or count days to get pregnant or download fertility apps on your phone.

I’m jealous that when you feel nausea or cramping you really think the symptoms might be early pregnancy signs.

I’m jealous you don’t know who an Reproductive Endocrinologist is or what she/he does.

I’m jealous that you don’t have a secret stash of baby outfits/products that you’re embarrassed to own, but have been collectively buying them when you are feeling hopeful.

I’m jealous that you don’t know the roller coaster ride of emotions each month.

I’m jealous that you can easily plan how many children you want to have one day.

I’m jealous you get to surprise your partner with the news and then share with your family.

I’m jealous you got to create your baby naturally without hormones and expensive procedures.

I’m jealous you and your partner don’t have to think about spending multi-thousands of dollars with no garauntee of success.

I’m jealous that you don’t get a knot in your stomach every time you think of taking a pregnancy test because you have seen so many negatives already.

I’m jealous you can log onto social media without knowing that at any moment a surprise pregnancy announcement from a friend or acquaintance might make you cry the rest of the day.

I’m jealous you don’t know the feeling of receiving a baby shower invitation and already planning excuses not to attend because you know it’s too much.

I’m jealous that when you hear someone say “just relax! You’re young” it doesn’t instantly make you want to throw daggers.

I’m jealous that you can plan a vacation without the nagging voice in your head saying “yes I’d love to go sky diving, but what if I am pregnant by then..”

So there it is. I am jealous. And I am also sorry to anyone who is reading this and can relate toany of these on any level. I also realize I am so lucky in so many other ways, but sometimes it just feels good to vent.

 

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